What was the highlight of the show? Who should have won but didn't? Who was your favorite? Leave a comment!
December 04, 2006
If the Big Blog's running tally of the commentator's comments is correct, America has been "taken by storm" now about 20 times. Where's Chuck Norris when you need him? Big TV Star winner Kiefer Sutherland admits he's lucky to be here and newly engaged Eva Longoria is hotter than July in an Yves Klein blue dress. Time to get our coats. Now why can't I get "Jump in My Car" out of my head?
Did you see it all? Relive the excitement with exclusive performances from:
Who says Coldplay have a stranglehold on songs which are kind of sad yet kind of uplifting? Fans all over America have taken The Fray's tune "How to Save a Life" – written while singer Isaac Slade was mentoring a crack addict, factoid fans – to their hearts. Their performance of the ballad is so convincing that Ron Jeremy is overheard saying he might join the Peace Corps.
Grab a box of Kleenex, because you're going to be moved. Watch The Fray perform at Big in '06!
The Hiltons Have Eyes
Paris Hilton receives Big Outlaw from Perez Hilton like it's some crazed nepotistic plot between people who aren't even related to each other. Judging from the way he reads a cue card, Hilton (Perez) might wanna stick to the keyboard. Hilton (Paris) displays a lack of elation in what might nonetheless be her most convincing performance since House of Wax. But at least she remembered to wish us happy holidays. Now somebody hang some tinsel and popcorn strings on her.
Come Wail Away
Now here's an instant YouTube moment ... Dennis DeYoung singing his b*lls off on "Lady" as an endless parade of "women in reality" take the stage. There are the seductresses of Survivor Island, the females of Flavor of Love, the doyennes of Deal or No Deal, the Amazons of Amazing Race, the beauties of Beauty and the Geek, the maids of America's Top Model, the sirens of So You Think You Can Dance, the babes of The Bachelor, Flavor of Love's New York, and somebody who looks like a dude ...too much! Several of the road crew are so moved, they get their lighters out.
Big Award Show Shocker
Announcing the Big Reality Star nominees, Borat's producer Azamat slips into an accent that's more San Fernando Valley than the killing fields of Kazakhstan.
Big Mystery Moment
Janelle from Big Brother, the JAG of Reality Shows. Has anyone here ever met anyone who watches it? Her win is immediately followed by the audience collectively asking, "Who dat?"
Geek Like Me
"Weird Al" Yankovic wins over his uber-cool audience with an endearing performance of "White & Nerdy" in a pink shirt, khakis and white Keds. His hypemen and DJ have the pastiness and paunch of a Caltech graduating class. And let's face it – you'll never see a routine with Segways on Dancing With the Stars.
Slaying 'Em in the Aisles
Scarlet confetti is a very good thing, and the front row gets covered with it at the end of a blistering performance by The Killers. Sounding as grand as the Grand Canyon, "When You Were Young" makes the case for The Killers as America's greatest rock band. No emo sniffling here. No tongue in cheek song titles. No cute bassist. This is a band who love The Joshua Tree so much they downloaded once a week just because they can. Brandon Flowers wears his ash-colored saloon keeper waistcoat and tie, and the drummer boasts a Blue Oyster 'tache. Their rocking is unabashedly sincere, and a little out of place in any awards show that features Kennedy.
At the Movies With the Flav
Exchange of the night.
Scene: A plush leopard-skin loveseat somewhere off to the side of the main stage. The time: moments ago.
Flavor Flav: Flavor Flav!!! I got two of the best actors in the world with me. So tell me, who will win the Oscars?
Cut to two of the best actors in the world: Danny Bonaduce, the ginger prince whose credits include Lil' Pimp, and Jenna Jameson, miniscule star of Up and Cummers 11.
Danny Bonaduce: An Inconvenient Truth.
Jenna Jameson: Happy Feet.
Flavor Flav: Woooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow!
The pair go on to give Big Web Hit to LonelyGirl15. Turns out Jenna is better at her day job than reading a cue card. Hats off, LG15.
"You may not got a house, but you got the New Orleans Superdome," says the commentator. We also learn that David Hasselhoff's "'Jump in My Car' is a huge hit on the Internet," and Al Gore "became a rock star this year." And he didn't even have to party with the likes Tommy Lee. Big Blog's resident stud Mario Lopez and his dancing buddy Joey Lawrence hand out the Big Comeback prize to ... David Hasselhoff. "After this, you can hassle me anytime," says Michael Knight. Consider yourself warned.
She didn't win Big Music Star, but Fergie doesn't care. She has a concept album about the Seven Wonders of the World on the way and is wiggling her ass like Shakira doesn't exist. Looking fabulous in Britney Spears' old schoolgirl outfit, the JJ Fad-lovin' Dutchess turns in a sassy performance of "London Bridge"/"Fergalicious" that with its costume gimmick, guest rapper, and playing to the camera seems like a vintage MTV VMA clip from 2000. That's a compliment, y'all.
The User's Guide to Big in '06: Fergie celebrated Big in '06 with a private party in her trailer with Paris Hilton and Flavor Flav. We know this because we read it on Perez!!!! Hilton!! Dot!!! Com!!!
Here comes Flav with some intros. He seems as jittery as Michael J. Fox in a campaign ad, but there's no disputing one thing: the black Hugh Hefner is still the greatest hype man of all time.
The User's Guide to Big in '06, Part Two: The ceremony is being held in the same Sony studio where they made Rocky, Rocky II and Rocky V.
Oh! So Unbelievable!
Exactly when did Andrew Dice Clay's rehabilitation begin? The Michael Richards of the 1990s was once so reviled that even Saturday Night Live wouldn't have him on (and they let Al Gore host!). Now he's a panelist chiming in on Big Music Star. Justin Timberlake's win makes you wonder whether it's because he's the only nominee who showed up. Which turns out to be exactly what J-Tim was thinking, too.